By Tashi McQueen
AFRO Staff Writer
tmcqueen@afro.com
With the odds often stacked against Black boys, it’s crucial to shine a light on how Black fathers and community leaders are guiding them forward. Even before their sons have learned to speak, many Black fathers are thinking about how to protect them from a world that won’t always love them back.
For dads like Colin Rocker, a content creator based in New York, and leaders like Dr. Alan-Michael Graves, a national fatherhood advocate from Los Angeles, raising Black boys is intentional work. It means planting seeds of community and value early on.
“Black parents have to teach their children, especially their boys, about how society perceives us and how to navigate it,” said Rocker, 29.
Rocker is a new father to one-year-old, Isaiah. Even at this young age, Rocker makes sure to lead by example.
“I was given really good advice before he was born that, as a dad, calmness is a superpower. I make sure that he sees that in me,” said Rocker. “I respect his mother. His mother respects me. We work as a team, and we don’t resolve conflicts by yelling; we talk things out.”
Graves, senior director of Learning and Capacity Building with Good+Foundation, echoed this sentiment.
“We can’t expect the younger guys and the guys coming behind us to do what they don’t see,” said Graves. “When you know better, you do better.”
Rocker believes that raising Black boys requires a village of role models.
As a dad, Rocker said he sees it as his responsibility to paint a clear vision of the kind of role models his son should have in his life.
“If you want to go far, you’ve got to go together,” said Rocker.
Graves also recommends reaching young men as early as possible.
“Rather than waiting until we come into a system to learn about child support and all of those things that are barriers to us later in life, I am an advocate of providing that education early on,” said Graves, 54.
Graves regularly works with several groups of young men and older men in the community, where they share their experiences and learn from one another.
“We’re sitting talking about education,” said Graves. “We’re talking about mortgages. We’re talking about long-lasting relationships. We’re talking about being healthy and strong fathers.”
One of the main things he’s realized in his 18 years of work is that young men need to learn how to separate themselves from some of the lessons they were taught at a young age.
“I believe our parents did the best that they could. But we’re at a different age, and we need a different set of tools to be equipped for it,” said Graves. “We need to equip boys with the tools to manage their feelings and emotions. We are taught not to express or show our feelings and emotions, but nine times out of 10, that gets us in trouble.”
“The old adage of men don’t cry—I debunk that all the time,” added Graves. “Let this man show up how he shows up. If he’s feeling sensitive and emotional, let him be sensitive and emotional because then he’s not aggressive and violent.”
Though still early in his journey as a father, Rocker has already learned a few valuable lessons.
“It’s not good enough to be a better dad than you had,” said Rocker. “You have to be the best dad for the moment you’re in right now.”