By Rev. Dorothy S. Boulware
Word In Black
By most accounts, the marriage between Tammy McCollum, pastor at The Well Worship Center in Statesville, N.C., and Eddie McCollum appeared to be loving and stable.
Their grown daughter never saw any signs of trouble between her parents, and Tammy McCollum herself exalted her husband, Eddie McCollum, on their 30th wedding anniversary a few years ago. She called him an “amazing man of God” and gave thanks for her lifelong partner.
But as the pastor and part-time cosmetics saleswoman delivered her sermon for Resurrection Sunday, more popularly known as Easter, she couldn’t have known it would be the last sermon she would ever preach.
After she left her pulpit and went home to relax, authorities say, Tammy McCollum was shot and killed inside their home. Eddie McCollum was quickly arrested and charged with first-degree murder. He is being held in jail without bond pending trial.
Shame and disbelief
Tammy McCollum’s murder is a shocking symptom of a much larger problem: Black women clergy and faith leaders dealing with abuse, harassment or worse from men in the church — and in their personal lives.
It’s difficult to isolate numbers about Black clergy women and harassment or abuse; academic studies are hard to find. Experts say that, like most women in the Black community, women of the cloth are reluctant to report it because they worry about being shamed or not being believed. There’s also the probable loss of respect from the communities they serve.
Studies find that around four in 10 Black women have experienced intimate partner physical violence, sexual violence, or stalking in their lifetimes. Compared to white women, Black women are disproportionately affected, facing higher rates of abuse and a 2.5 times higher likelihood of being murdered by a male intimate partner.
At the same time, while Black women make up between half and three-quarters of worshippers in church pews, less than 10 percent of clergy or church leadership are Black women. Several studies have found that Black women ministers and leaders are often the targets of harassment, bullying or abuse from men in the church. That can make it even harder for women clergy dealing with intimate partner violence, or IPV, to find support within their own church.
‘We are violated’
In 2018, The Los Angeles Times reported on a convening of Black women ministers, which brought the issue into sharp relief. The women noted that Black male faith leaders “are like demigods,” making it pointless to complain to them about sexual harassment or seek help for IPV.
“We are violated before we preach, while we preach, after we preach,” the Rev. Deborah Manns is quoted as saying. “I am on fire for God. I love preaching his word, but it’s hard to preach at a church, and you go to the pastor’s office, and the first thing he asks you is ‘What color are your panties?’”
Cecily Johnson, director of strategic initiatives at the Domestic Violence Network, says the history of Black people in America plays a role in how the Black church deals with the issues of Black women faith leaders.
The root cause of sexual harassment and intimate partner conflict stem in part from “the 400-year gap and the 400 years of being left at the starting line while other groups have moved forward with ease,” Johnson says. “That’s the root cause. It’s a combination of things we’re not given.”
“We’re just not given opportunities in education that generally would be made available to other populations, specifically White populations,” she says.
Barriers to safety
Furthermore, Black women can be reluctant to turn male abusers over to the police for fear that law enforcement will mishandle or mistreat the men, or that the same congregation they serve every Sunday won’t support them.
“These systems create numerous barriers for survivors seeking safety. Law enforcement officials often arrest Black survivors, and police, jurors and judges are less likely to believe Black survivors than white survivors,” according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
“Racist systems put Black people at greater risk of experiencing intimate partner violence.”
But Rev. Dr. Michele Balamani Silvera, a retired counselor and pastor, says there are ways for Black women clergy to stay safe.
”First of all, normalize it because it is as prevalent among women clergy as it is among all women,” Silvera says. “We sometimes act as if the calling somehow exempts us from the violence, just because.”
“And be aware of the warning signs at the very beginning of the relationship, because they are always there.”
Experts say violent marriages were easier to avoid when people engaged in longer courtships before settling into marriage. But the age of technology and social media has changed much of that.
”They meet online and before you know it, they’re engaged,” Silva says. “Or even married. And the time for observation of problematic tendencies has passed, and the trouble begins.”
At the same time, “one has to be cautious because the church is sometimes ready to offer prayer and consolation with encouragement to maintain the home, rather than the advice to seek safe shelter and counseling.”
‘Abuse thrives in silence’
Silvera offered some tips to help women when they find themselves in a troublesome place.
“First break the silence,” she says. “Abuse thrives in silence, so speaking up is critical. Confide in a trusted person.”
But Silva also warns against going to authority figures connected to the abuser, like church leadership, because they may protect the abuser and reinforce the harm. Better to use professional resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline, including texting options for discreet help, because these can quickly connect victims to support and safe options.
”Plan ahead to leave safely,” she says. “Keep a bag packed if possible, keep note of when the abuser is away or asleep and be ready to leave quickly without worrying about belongings.”
Most importantly, “if violence is happening in real time, priority is simple: leave in whatever means necessary, even if you have to borrow money or use a ride service.”
If you or a loved one are in an abusive situation, help is available. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline:1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Text START to 88788. A live chat is also available on thehotline.org.
This article was originally published by Word In Black.