By Megan Sayles
AFRO Staff Writer
msayles@afro.com
Before the rise of social media, group chats and online forums, bullying was often confined to the school yard, classroom or cafeteria—places teens could physically leave behind at the end of the day. But now, digital devices and 24/7 connectivity have extended those boundaries, allowing harmful behavior to follow young people home, onto their phones and into their private lives.
In 2022, the National Center for Education Statistics reported that 19.2 percent of students aged 12 to 18 experienced bullying during school nationwide. About 22 percent of them reported being bullied online or via text, with girls experiencing it at nearly twice the rate of boys.
The AFRO connected with Kenya Coleman, a doctor of clinical psychology and licensed clinical social worker, to discuss how teens can spot and cope with online bullying. After two decades as a school-based mental health professional, Coleman launched Kaleidoscope Wellness and Education Group to help bridge the gap between children’s home and school lives.
AFRO: How do you define online bullying, and how can a teen determine if they are experiencing it?
Kenya Coleman: Online bullying shows up the same way it does in person. If you are having an interaction with a person that makes you feel anxious, unsafe, ashamed or makes you want to shrink, then that’s a red flag. Cyberbullying is any form of harassment, embarrassment or intimidation that specifically takes place through digital platforms. That includes text, social media, group chats, online games and anywhere else you interact with someone digitally.
It can look like name-calling, exclusion from online spaces, spreading rumors about someone, sharing someone’s information without their consent or sending threatening messages. It could also be someone sending excessive messages—especially when you’ve shared that you’re not interested.
The guiding question teens should ask themselves is: do I feel smaller, scared, less worthy or like I have to shrink after these exchanges?
AFRO: How has the rise of social media and digital devices among teens contributed to or exacerbated incidents of bullying?
KC: When I was growing up, I may have had a bad day at school, but it was confined to the playground or the handful of people who may have known about the incident. In today’s world, posts can go viral. People around the world can have access to this embarrassing moment. Group chats can become battlegrounds. The negativity can feel like it’s inescapable.
What really makes the prevalence of cyberbullying so harmful is that there is not a pause button. Youth are growing up in a world where they’re expected to always be on their phones and social media, and that can make even small things feel really huge.
AFRO: How might the bullying that Black teens and other teens from historically marginalized communities encounter differ from that of their counterparts?
KC: As it relates to our Black and Brown children or other children who identify as “other,” they experience microaggressions in addition to the typical racial aggression. It’s not always obvious attacks. It can be little, subtle things that aren’t obvious on the surface. However, they can leave a person on the receiving end feeling like they have to shrink ultimately.
What scares me most is that racialized online bullying is becoming more mainstream. Because young people see it so often—including from our country’s leadership— they may come to think that it is to be expected, that it’s OK and that they are the problem when they don’t feel good about it.
AFRO: What advice would you give to teens dealing with online bullying?
KC: Most social media platforms allow you to block people and report abusive behaviors. Do that, and do it immediately. You do not have to subject yourself to any form of abuse, and bullying is abuse. You should also document everything that happens. Take screenshots and save messages—especially if things escalate.
Don’t engage with the bully because the moment you do, you give them a stage. It’s hard because we always want to clap back and defend ourselves, but your bully feeds off of your reaction. Not giving them a stage is ultimately the choice that’s going to protect your peace long-term.
Tell someone you trust. Most of the teenagers that I talk to typically turn to a friend when I tell them to talk to someone they trust, and I understand that because your friends can understand an issue on your level. But, the person should also have the power to effect change, and that’s an adult. Talk to your parents, a teacher, a school counselor, coach, someone at your church, a mentor or another adult you feel comfortable talking to. That way they can give you wise counsel, validate you and speak life into you.
AFRO: What coping mechanisms would you warn teens from relying on while experiencing online bullying?
KC: The truth is when you’re hurting, it’s normal to reach for something that’s going to either numb the pain or make you feel good. That’s just what we do as people. But, not all coping tools are healthy.
The top three things that numb pain or make us feel good are sex, drugs and alcohol. The problem with that though is that they are a temporary escape and they can have highly damaging effects. They can be long-term, profound and take years to redirect.
I would also encourage youth to not internalize bullying. When you are being bombarded with messages and hateful words about yourself, you may begin to tell yourself that you deserve it. You absolutely cannot do that. You must recognize that the bully is projecting their feelings onto you.
Try your best not to pull away from your family or friends or stop doing the things that you enjoy. Isolation only makes things worse. When you isolate yourself, you have no one there to redirect you. That means you are ruminating on self-deprecating thoughts, and that will lead to a downward spiral.
You should also avoid doom scrolling, or obsessively checking to see who’s saying what. Taking yourself down that road can deepen your anxiety and possibly lead to depression.
