By Mashai Small
It’s been 10 years since “Black Lives Matter” chants broke out. As we remember our brother, Freddie Gray, and all the lives lost to police violence, I am here to share that there is another system violently tormenting and killing our families. A system many call the child “welfare” system, but those impacted by this system call it the family policing system. If we are to fulfill the promise of the Black Lives Matter movement, we must fight for the Black mothers and families who are entangled in and threatened by this harmful system.
My name is Mashai Small, and I’m a mother, doula and abolitionist. I’m from Savannah, Ga., but have built my family in Maryland. On Jan. 24, 2023, my family’s life was violently disrupted by the family policing system. My saga with the family policing system all started with a report to the Howard County Department of Social Services claiming that our 1-year-old son, who was born prematurely, was being medically neglected. This complaint resulted in my partner and me being surrounded by Howard County social workers, Anne Arundel County fire department EMTs, and armed Anne Arundel County police who forced us to surrender our babies to the state. It didn’t matter that the EMTs had checked their vitals twice and found both children to be healthy; my children were rushed to Howard County General Hospital for further testing. They took away our children without a court order or any evidence of any crime being committed. Additionally, when I tried to go to the hospital to breastfeed my children, I was told if I didn’t get off private property, I’d be taken to jail.
When the family policing system separated my family, there was no mass movement to march for my family. Black parents are being overwhelmingly investigated in Maryland. In 2022, our Black children comprised almost 53 percent of the foster care population, even though Black children only represent 30.6 percent of the general child population in the state. It is our children who are being fed into a system that is known to abuse and assault children. It is our Black children who are being forced into a system that perpetuates the prison pipelines more than it protects our own neighborhoods.
When my family faced this system, I had to become my own advocate. I educated myself on how the system works in theory and experienced its hypocrisy and lack of transparency. I started by going down to the courthouse and asking general questions to the clerks in Howard County Circuit Court. I got familiar with organizational charts for Maryland agencies, including the Department of Human Services. I emailed everyone, asking for meetings and explaining how the family policing system harmed me and my children. I “mothered” my way through this process, and through this process of self-advocacy, I started to witness and connect with other Black families that have had similar experiences with the family policing system in Maryland.
My DHS case was closed on May 7, 2024, and I was indicted for medical neglect. My children have not been returned to my custody and they remain with a family member. My children and I have endured over a year and a half of instability and intrusive examinations by the family police. The agency that claimed to protect my children traumatized my babies. My 3-year-old son is experiencing anxiety and PTSD and I have had to place him in therapy. After being taken from me at such a young age, I believe he has internalized anti-Black racism, and when he encounters strangers, I believe he favors White people because the foster care social worker and foster care were White. My daughter is 2. After being “protected” from me, she left the system with a speech delay and she is also showing symptoms of depression and PTSD due to separation. Because of the family policing system, on top of working hard to help my children grow strong and healthy, I also have to help them overcome additional harm caused by the system that said it was looking out for their best interests.
It only took one complaint for the family police to tear my family apart. How long will it take for someone to be held accountable for the harm they’ve caused? I’ve tried to seek reparations through the official processes of the family policing system, but I’ve come to see that the system lacks accountability to and respect for the families it separates. For example, review boards like Maryland’s Citizens Review Board for Children are supposed to listen to families like mine and make recommendations to the local Department of Human Services (DHS). However, DHS is not required to follow the recommendations and can just ignore them. Meanwhile, parents are required to obey the court and DHS unquestioningly. If a parent refuses to interact with the family policing system, this decision is taken as evidence of “incompetence” or “dangerous defiance” that can lead to their children being taken away. In my case, my children were taken from me just days after I told a Howard County social worker that I did not want their services and did not want to be contacted.
From what I have experienced, the family police has no regard for parents’ expertise on their own families’ needs. Throughout this saga with the family policing system, I feel as if I have been punished for being a strong self-advocate. I’ve been accused of being overly aggressive in the way that I have demanded responses from representatives of the Maryland Department of Human Services. This portrayal fails to acknowledge the crucial backstory – that DHS and the family policing system has deeply harmed me and my children. In demanding answers, action and accountability, I am doing what any parent would do if their children were violently taken.
Black families matter. Today, I am proud to say that Black mothers are fighting back. We are not alone. If you are fighting this system, join us this Mother’s Day weekend as we come together in Washington, D.C., to celebrate Black Love through Resistance. Come out to the Black Mothers March to stand up against the family policing system. On May 10, we will learn together at a teach-in session with political education and dedicated time to write love letters to children who have been lost in the system via state-sponsored adoptions. This will give the children an opportunity to learn how their family members felt during their time separated. On May 11 at 9 a.m., we will meet in Lafayette Square in the District to march. I’m marching to show other Black families it’s OK to tell your story about family policing because you can encourage others to stand up and fight back. I hope to see you there.
Mashai Small is a mother, doula and abolitionist committed to exposing the harsh realities of the family policing system. Originally from Savannah, Ga., and now building community in Maryland, Mashai became an advocate after her own family was torn apart by the so-called “child welfare” system. She is a member of the Maryland Families Together coalition, president of the African National Women’s Organization DC branch, and a steering committee member of the Black Mothers March. The Black Mothers March on the White House is a coalition of Black-led organizations fighting to rescue our children from the custody of the state and to defend Black women and Black families against systemic attack.