By Victoria Mejicanos
AFRO Staff Writer
vmejicanos@afro.com
Dating can provide renewed confidence and companionship, but as time passes, returning to the dating scene after divorce or widowhood can appear intimidating. Modern dating, online scams and emotional unavailability or stagnancy have created new challenges that experts say should be approached with community, caution and patience.
Lauren Sanders is an elite Black matchmaker and the CEO of the Love Crush Agency. She works with clients in their 60s and beyond to help them adapt to the current dating scene.
“Things have changed so much since the last time they were single,” said Sanders. “They typically do come to us for guidance, for support and prayerfully for a database that has what they’re looking for, but their biggest problem is just not knowing how to navigate dating culture.”
Sanders said social media has encouraged superficial dating habits, even among older adults, and that “swipe culture” now affects dating both online and offline.
In her interview with the AFRO, she gave the following advice: “You don’t want to focus on things that are going to be temporary. It’s nice to have something good to look at, but we’re all going to change eventually. So I think the individual should focus more on values and personality and character traits and all of that, because that’s what’s going to help sustain your relationship in the long term.”
While dating culture has shifted, health experts say it’s just as important to evaluate emotional readiness and support systems as it is to navigate dating expectations.
Arita McCoy is a nurse practitioner at MedStar Good Samaritan Hospital in Baltimore, where she works in the Center for Successful Aging.
“People have to mentally process the loss [of their previous partners] first before they move on to trying to find a companion,” said McCoy. “I think we also talk a lot about grief counseling and other things and that doesn’t have to just be from a death, but it can be from a divorce, or we often see spouses that have to leave the home because they need more care or care in a different way. If they have memory loss or dementia and other things that have changed their ability to be a partner, then that also is a loss that a person experiences. The emotional processing of that is important.”
McCoy also emphasized the importance of community, as faith and extended family can help people move through loss, but can also be there to support them if needed on their journey to find a companion. McCoy said others can be helpful in spotting red flags in dating and help people avoid scams.
According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s most recent Elder Fraud Report, more than 6,700 people over age 60 lost nearly $367 million to “sweetheart scams” in 2023.
Lindsey Eldridge, the chief of public affairs at the Baltimore Police Department, shared advice in an email sent to the AFRO.
“First dates should be done in a public place, never at the person’s home or your home,” wrote Eldridge. “Tell someone where you are going and who you’re meeting. Make sure you advise a friend when you arrive at your destination and when you are leaving. Make sure you drive yourself or make your own travel arrangements. Send a photo of the person you are meeting to a friend and advise them where you met him or her. Meet during day[light] hours.”
If residents suspect they are being scammed, they should immediately stop contact and file a complaint with the dating app if it occurs online, Eldridge further advised. If banking information has already been shared a police report should be filed.
McCoy said although dating with aging can come with challenges and stigma, it doesn’t mean people should give up.
“It’s just deciding what’s worth your time, what’s worth your energy, what’s worth your heart and your emotions and just prioritizing what’s important to you,” said McCoy. “Knowing that that can and will change over time and that’s OK.”