By Victoria Mejicanos
AFRO Staff Writer
vmejicanos@afro.com
Each year, the second Sunday in May serves as a time for mothers to receive recognition for all that they do. While many think of “traditional moms” on Mother’s Day, there are sisters, aunts, godmoms and women from all walks of life that pour into the youths around them. There are also foster moms who open their hearts and their homes to children in need of love, care and connection.
Foster care is often defined by court dates, caseworkers and background and home checks, but inside Jaqueline Holloman’s home, it’s about providing a place for children to thrive beyond whatever challenges they face.
“They deserve a chance in life like everybody else,” she told the AFRO.
As a young woman, Holloman was told by doctors she would never be able to have children of her own. At 21 years old, she decided to prove them wrong.
Today, Holloman is a mother to eight children. She says growing up in public housing shaped her decision to take in the youths that others often overlook or are harder to place—those in therapeutic foster care with complex emotional, behavioral or medical needs.
Black children make up 14 percent of the population but account for 23 percent of foster children, according to data from the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System, underscoring the need for caregivers like Holloman who understand the circumstances of her foster children.
Holloman said it takes more than meeting basic needs to “save a child.” She says investing time, effort, and care is what makes the difference.
“Everybody’s calling is not to a job site,” said Holloman.“This is a job site. Me and my home, 24/7, being available if they scrape their knees, if something happens at school, that is a job. Parenting is a job.”
For one of her adopted daughters, 17-year-old Zariah Holloman, that care made all the difference. She remembers being adopted at seven years old, dressed up and taking photos with the judge the moment that Jacqueline Holloman formally became her mother.
“She was already my mother before she even adopted us, and it felt normal to me,” said her daughter. “Nothing was really off about it.”
That sense of normalcy, Holloman said, is intentional—giving children the chance to simply be kids, without adult responsibilities or instability they may have had to navigate in their past.
However, creating that environment requires consistent support, which Holloman says not every foster parent has. Having worked with several agencies, Holloman says consistent support is key not just for the children, but the foster parents too.
For foster parents caring for children with complex needs, she said, that support can mean the difference between stability and disruption. She said that agencies that regularly check in and provide support usually lead to better outcomes.
“Support is the number one thing: being there, hearing you when it’s a difficult child, not taking sides, coming up with a solution, coming up with a solution with the kids,” said Holloman. “You need support being a foster parent. You need somebody on call.”
Holloman also emphasized the importance of maintaining relationships with biological families when possible, pushing back against the idea that foster parents should replace them.
“We’re no better, we make mistakes,” said Holloman. “Our kids just didn’t wind up in care.”
Holloman says that when both foster and biological parents are willing, a meaningful bond can form that helps the foster child. She said helping the biological family stay in touch or even inviting them to participate in family activities can go a long way in helping the child in care.
For Holloman, the successful outcomes show the strength of the foundation she has built as a foster mom. She described the joy in seeing the children she has fostered remain in her life, or come back years later to thank her–oftentimes visiting from states or even countries away.
“The experience has been awesome to watch them grow up, have their own attitudes, their own personalities, and still come back and holler ‘Ma.’”
For Dr. Marionette Butts, the path to becoming a foster parent took a different path. A long time public school teacher in the Tidewater area of Virginia, she never intended to adopt or foster, even though she herself had been adopted by a teacher who couldn’t have children.
Then one day, she noticed a student in her eight grade science class in need. The teen had been split up from her six brothers and sisters, and they were all being bounced around the foster care system after the untimely death of their mother, Johnnie Mae Quince Gay.
On a day where the student looked especially sad, Butts asked if the teen wanted to just come home with her.
It was a question that would alter the trajectory of their lives, and many more to come.
After a discussion with her husband, John Arthur Butts, the couple decided there was no other option: Alicia Taylor Donald was welcomed into their family.
“I don’t look at her as a ‘foster daughter’—she’s my daughter,” Butts said.
Butts, a mother of four, says that although it was never planned, the experience has been one of the most meaningful in her life.
“It has been very rewarding to see my daughter grow up and have a family of her own and be successful in her career and be happy in her life,” said Butts. “Had things not gone this way, I feel like it might have been tragic or more difficult. To feel like you intervened so a person could live a good and peaceful life, I- I don’t have words for that.”
While their paths into motherhood differed, both women said the outcome is what matters most—creating stability, opportunity and a sense of belonging for children who need it.
This Mother’s Day, the AFRO salutes all the women– biological moms, foster moms and all others who nurture the Black community by any means necessary.