By Maurice Carroll
Clarence was a strong, brown, muscular, 1200-lb stallion who thought he controlled his own life. He thought he could roam wherever he wanted, sleep when he wanted and eat when he wanted until someone put a bit in his mouth. He found himself being dragged left and right with such little effort. “I didn’t sign up for this,” he thought. “How is something so small controlling me?” When he resisted, the bit made him comply. “It’s this little thing in my mouth steering my whole direction!”
For Clarence it was the bit. For us, it’s our words.
Have you ever said something that you wished you could take back? Have you ever heard someone say something that wasn’t received the way it was intended? I would bet that you’ve experienced at least one of those if you’re being honest. When we take a closer look at what we are saying, we may find some hidden solutions to some challenges that we are having.
There are neuroscientific experiments you can find at NIH (National Institutes of Health) and APA (American Psychological Association) that show the results of how negative words make your brain work harder in the stress zone. And it shows how positive self-talk turns on the part of your brain that helps you think clearly and calms down the fear center, which helps you focus and perform better.
So why do so many of us have unguarded words flying out of our mouths like bats out of Batman’s cave. If spoken language is what separates us from other mammals, we should have better control of it. Well, before we start walking down the judgement trail, we can acknowledge something. Our brains work incredibly fast. Getting control over your words means getting control over your thoughts. You can adjust your thoughts and then filter your words but it takes practice. Life long practice. Being mindful of your words isn’t something you get to walk away from or leave on autopilot. It’s a practice you should engage relentlessly.
When this subject comes up, often our emotions begin to bring “reason” to why it’s easier said than done. I say “reason” but if you are real with yourself, they are really “excuses.” This is not to imply that the excuses aren’t true to ourselves in those moments. Two things can be true at the same time. Those reasons are also excuses.
Here’s a technique to help you gain better control of your words, which then creates a better habit which, if continued, leads to a better lifestyle. The technique is simple but not easy, so I suggest you forgive yourself when you fall short. The technique is to start with a little bit. Don’t add heavy expectations and lofty goals straight out the gate. (see what I did there) The goal is to start. One thought, one moment at a time. Practice that technique of a little bit and influence your life the way you want.
The opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the writer and not necessarily those of the AFRO.