Ericka Alston Buck, our Single in the City columnist, talks about coming to the end of a relationship and reflecting on lessons learned.

By Ericka Alston Buck,
Special to the AFRO

Your person is only your person for as long as they’re your person. 

Once, when I was on a healing journey regarding my fear of vulnerability and my inability to commit, I was faced with this life changing revelation:  “All relationships involve taking a risk. We must be willing to take the risk knowing that no matter what the outcome, we will not die.”

The end of a romantic relationship can be a challenging and emotionally draining experience. Whether it was a long-term partnership or a short-lived affair, the aftermath of a breakup can leave you feeling lost, hurt and uncertain about the future. However, it’s important to remember that you have the strength within you to pick up the pieces and move forward. 

There are some staples that I use to help me navigate the space between breaking up and picking up the pieces. My hope is that the following will help you rebuild your life after a breakup.

Allow yourself to grieve

Breakups involve loss, and it’s essential to give yourself permission to grieve. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions, such as sadness, anger, and confusion. Allow yourself to experience these emotions fully, acknowledging that healing takes time.

Reflect and learn

Take some time for self-reflection to understand what went wrong in the relationship. Not blaming the other party but an honest, thorough, self-reflection. While it’s tempting to solely blame your ex-partner, it’s important to acknowledge your role in the dynamic as well. Reflect on your own behavior, patterns and expectations. By gaining insights into yourself, you can learn valuable lessons that will help you grow and prevent similar issues in future relationships.

Practice self-care

After a breakup, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care. Take care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you relax. Exercise regularly, eat well, and get enough sleep. Seek professional help if needed, as therapy (I believe we all need a therapist!) can provide a safe space to process your emotions and gain guidance on how to move forward.

Reconnect with your passions

Picking up the pieces after a breakup involves rediscovering yourself. Take this opportunity to reconnect with your passions and interests. Engage in hobbies you enjoy, join clubs or organizations that align with your values, or explore new activities. By investing time in yourself, you’ll rebuild your self-confidence and create a fulfilling life outside of the relationship.

Embrace the future and YOU DON’T NEED CLOSURE! 

Lastly, embrace the future with a positive mindset. Accept that the end of one relationship is an opportunity for new beginnings. Allow yourself to be open to new experiences and possibilities. 

As you rebuild your life, remember that you deserve happiness and love. Trust that with time, patience and self-care, you will emerge stronger and ready to embrace the joys that lie ahead and NO, you don’t need closure – no matter what the reason, if you did not initiate the breakup and were not given a reason that makes sense to you, it doesn’t matter.  Accept that it is over, you are the prize and it’s their loss! 

As for me – I’m back in the dating game, headed out on my first date tonight, I’ll tell you all about it next time.