By Andrea Stevens
AFRO Staff Writer
astevens@afro.com
The postpartum period is often described as a time of physical recovery, but for many mothers it also marks the beginning of a deep identity shift. The journey of becoming a mother isn’t just about caring for a baby. It’s also about rediscovering who you are in the wake of birth. At the heart of this transformation is self-care—not the kind tied to luxury or free time– but the essential kind that reminds a mother she matters too.
Destinee Richmond is a postpartum nurse and mother of two, now in the eighth week of her postpartum recovery. She spoke with the AFRO, reflecting on the evolution of her identity.
“I feel more like myself now than I did going from zero to one. With this second baby, it’s not as much of a culture shock. I had a starting point this time — I wasn’t building from scratch,” Richmond said.
What helped her the most the second time around was remembering to give herself space to care for her own needs.
“I had to take a second to step back and realize that I’m important too. Your baby is OK. As long as they’re fed and breathing, they’re OK. You can get to bath time later. Take the time for yourself. It really does make a difference in feeling like you again,” said Richmond.
Her experience highlights something many mothers come to learn, postpartum isn’t about going back, it’s about becoming someone new with pieces of the old still intact.
Victoria Meehan, a postpartum doula with the Womb Room, sees this transformation in nearly every client she supports.
“A lot of people want to go back to who they were pre-baby, and I tell them you’re never going to be that person again,” said Meehan. “You’re becoming a new version of yourself, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s about rediscovering who you are now.”
That rediscovery often requires time, intention and support. As a postpartum nurse, Richmond found that her professional experience helped ease the transition.
“At 22, I was in nursing school, stressed and just trying to figure it out. Now at 28, I’m more financially stable, mentally stronger, and I’ve learned how to handle my emotions. That makes all the difference,” said Richmond. “Now I do this all day long with babies. It’s my job. I struggled so hard with nighttime feeds the first time. I felt very prepared this time around. I had a lot of resources to help me.”
Even with preparation, the emotional landscape of new motherhood is complex. Guilt, especially, is a heavy burden.
“You are a human being outside of being a parent. It’s OK to want something for yourself, and it’s normal to feel guilty about that. But we work through that guilt because meeting your needs doesn’t take away from your journey as a mother, it enhances it,” said Meehan.
The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologist reports that “postpartum depression is a type of depression that causes intense feelings of sadness, anxiety, or despair that keep people from being able to do their daily tasks.”
According to the Policy Center for Maternal Mental Health, postpartum depression is “the leading complication of childbirth, impacting 1 in 5 U.S. women.” For the women included in that number, “40.1 percent of depressive episodes onset during the postpartum period,” or after birth.
Meehan encourages mothers to name what they need and take action.
“It’s hard to pour from an empty bucket. Be honest about what you need. If that means hiring a sitter, taking a walk, or just getting some sleep, do it,” she Meehan. “A lot of hospitals send you home unprepared. You’re tired, overwhelmed, and everyone expects you to just figure it out. That’s where postpartum doulas come in. We’re here to hold space, answer questions and remind you that you’re not alone.”
In a world where new mothers are expected to bounce back and do it all, self-care can feel like rebellion. But as both Richmond and Meehan remind us, it’s not indulgent, it’s necessary.
Postpartum rediscovery begins the moment a mother gives herself permission to breathe, to step outside for a walk, to ask for help, or to say, “I need this for me.” That’s where healing starts. That’s where identity is rebuilt. And that’s where motherhood becomes something sustainable, not just survivable.